Your New Favorite Landlord Juice Cleanse

Being a landlord is stressful – between handling maintenance requests, late rent payments, and tenant-on-tenant scuffles, you need to use every weapon in your arsenal to preserve your health and stress levels..

Enter the landlord juice cleanse.

Yes, you read that right. Forget screening tenants and boosting your bottom line – we’re talking kale, beets, and enough ginger to make a ghost cough.

The Juicy Landlord Recipe


  • 1 medium beet, peeled and quartered
  • 2 large kale leaves, washed and roughly chopped
  • 1 medium apple, cored and quartered (optional, for sweetness)
  • 3 inches piece of fresh ginger, peeled
  • 1/2 lemon, peeled (optional, for extra zing)
  • Ice cubes (optional)


  1. Prep is Key: Wash all your produce thoroughly. Beets can stain, so consider wearing gloves while handling them. Peel the beet, apple (if using), and ginger. Roughly chop the kale and quarter the beet and apple.
  2. Juice Time! Assemble your juicer according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Start by juicing the harder ingredients first – the beet, ginger, and apple (if using). Follow with the leafy greens, like the kale.
  3. Flavor Tweaks: This recipe is a base, so feel free to adjust it to your taste. For a sweeter juice, add the apple. For a more tart flavor, squeeze in some lemon juice.
  4. Chill Out: Pour the freshly squeezed juice into a glass. If desired, add some ice cubes for a refreshing chill.


  • Drink Immediately: Freshly squeezed juice is best enjoyed right away to maximize the nutrient content.
  • Start Slow: If you’re new to juice cleanses, it’s wise to introduce them gradually. Start with one juice a day for a few days before diving into a full cleanse.
  • Listen to Your Body: Juice cleanses aren’t for everyone. If you experience any discomfort, stop the cleanse and consult a healthcare professional.

Remember: This recipe is for informational purposes only and shouldn’t be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with your doctor and local landlord-tenant lawyer before starting any new diet or cleanse.

The Potential Benefits (Emphasis on Potential):

Why should landlords indulge in a juice cleanse, even when science says juice cleanses are bupkiss?

We asked the experts at Gemini:

  • A More Peaceful Rental Dwelling: With a landlord focused on their internal chakras, there could be a drastic drop in tenant-landlord conflict. Just don’t ask them to fix anything that involves actual tools.
  • Free Yoga Instruction (with questionable qualifications): Your formerly stiff landlord might suddenly offer “complimentary yoga sessions” in exchange for rent. Just remember, downward dog doesn’t fix a broken dishwasher.
  • A Never-Ending Supply of Recycled Juice Bottles: Get ready to craft the world’s most eco-friendly bird feeder. Just don’t blame us if the birds get a little… glowy.”

The Potential Downsides (Emphasis on Downsides)

But life on a juice cleanse isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Understanding the risks is critical for investors of all experience levels – that’s why Gemini highlights the potential:

  • Headaches. Constant Headaches: Remember all that ginger we mentioned? Brace yourself for a symphony of tenant headaches as the cleansing process wreaks havoc on your landlord’s digestive system.
  • The Rise of the “Juicy Janitor”: Don’t be surprised if your building’s maintenance suddenly involves a man in yoga pants named “Sunshine” offering to “cleanse” your clogged drain with the power of positive vibes.
  • A Rent Increase Made Entirely of Wheatgrass: There’s a good chance your landlord will try to offset the cost of their cleanse by charging rent in “vibrant, organic wheatgrass.” Good luck finding a smoothie shop that accepts such tender.

Is the landlord juice cleanse a sign of a paradigm shift in tenant-landlord relations? Or just a desperate attempt to achieve inner peace while dealing with clogged drains and late rent? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for sure: it’s definitely going to make for some interesting (and potentially hilarious) stories down the road.”

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